Legend:

Red fon​        = Remove/omit the red colored part.

→                 = Indent the sentence.  

Lower case​  = Change the letter(s) to small letter(s).

UC             = Change the letter(s) to big letter(s).

NR                = No error/mistake

WB             = Wrong abbreviation

WS             = Wrong Spelling

AP              = Add punctuation marks

FR              = For revision

↗               = Start a new paragraph

#                   = Add a space​

×​           ​     = Remove a space​

∽​                 = Transpose (change the position of the word) 

SF                  = Sentence Fragment

AW              = Add a word (noun/pronoun/preposition/verb)

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Corrections:

These days, many people easily break their relationship.

These days, many people break their relationships to their partners easily​./ These days, breaking - up has become an easy thing for many. 

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It means that they easily love other people.

Suggested Sentences: This means people fall in and out of love as if they are just changing clothes. Something that makes wonder why.

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NOTE: The sentence is subjected for revision because its thought has caused redundancy to the first sentence. 

In writing, it is important that thoughts or ideas must be coherent (logical and consistent). In this case, since your first sentence is your first argument, your next sentence must be a supporting sentence or at least would be used to bring you to another related idea. If you want to further detail or explain it, repetition of idea must be avoided.     

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In this circumstance, there are many advantages and disadvantages.

Possible sentence:

Despite the numerous disadvantages that it is giving, many are still hooked in this kind of game.

NOTE: The sentence is subjected for revision as it's idea is not coherent to the sentence it has to followed. Since the intention of this essay is to show the reasons why break up is common, it should be logically and consistently indiacted and organized together with the other ideas. Moreover, succeeding thoughts must be related or somehow a way to introduce or oppose the next thought or idea.      ​

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However, I think that this situation has more disadvantages than advantages for two reasons.

NR

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Additional Sentence: Here's one of  the possible reasons why this occur.

NOTE: If you are going to cite a point or points, it is important that you make introductory sentence.

First of all, the people who easily love others do not know what is the features about real love.

First , people who fall in and out of love easily are those who have no deep understanding about the true meaning of love.

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Majority of humans misunderstand their feelings about other people because they simply feel loved and they separate the level of how to fall in  love.

​Possible sentence: This happens when people get confused with infatuation as a love. For instance, when a committed person gets attracted to someone who possesses qualities that his or her partner doesn't have, the chance is, he or she might developed certain feeling of infatuation after getting attracted to another person, his or her feeling of infatuation was mistaken as love leading to lukewarmness to his or her real partner. Eventually, the committed person will start to develop attachment to the liked person and will soon end up becoming lukewarm to his or her partner. ​

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Based on it, they decide to be loved or not.

​Because the love is no longer warm, the two people will soon decide to part ways.

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This circumstance is little bit useful, but it also has drawbacks such as inaccurate decision.
This circumstance in the issue of loyalty is a little bit helpful because one can know that his or her partner is the right one for him or her. However, if not careful in the deciding, drawbacks might show up which could leave regrettable consequences.

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Therefore, people should follow their hearts and feelings instead of brains.

Therefore, people should take a careful thought when deciding to break - up with their partner. Relationship nurtured by love should be easily considered and be not easily forgotten.

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​That is real love and they can feel what they want in love. ​

You will only know that it is real love when you are taking care of it as a precious gem - something that you will not allow to be easily stolen away from you.

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​​Final Writing:

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These days, many people break their relationships to their partners easily​​. This means people fall in and out of love as if they are just changing clothes; something that makes wonder why. Despite the numerous disadvantages that it is giving, many are still hooked in this kind of game.

Here's one of  the possible reasons why this occur.

First, people who fall in and out of love easily are those who have no deep understanding about the true meaning of love.

This happens when people get confused with infatuation as a love. For instance, when a committed person gets attracted to someone who possesses qualities that his or her partner doesn't have, the chance is, he or she might developed certain feeling of infatuation after getting attracted to another person, his or her feeling of infatuation was mistaken as love leading to lukewarmness to his or her real partner. Eventually, the committed person will start to develop attachment to the liked person and will soon end up becoming lukewarm to his or her partner. ​Because the love is no longer warm, the two people will soon decide to part ways. This circumstance in the issue of loyalty is a little bit helpful because one can know that his or her partner is the right one for him or her. However, if not careful in the deciding, drawbacks might show up which could leave regrettable consequences. Therefore, people should take a careful thought when deciding to break - up with their partner. Relationship nurtured by love should be easily considered and be not easily forgotten.

You will only know that it is real love when you are taking care of it as a precious gem - something that you will not allow to be easily stolen away from you.

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